Most Eurovision Song Contests turn out to have a theme, like the year after Ruslana won everybody entered a hot female singer wearing animal skins surrounded by half-naked dancers with big drums.
Lazy thinks this year’s theme will be wrinklies, aka old people. If I had to put a bet on the winner, it’d be the grannies from Russia, Buranovskiye Babushki, or the grandad from England, Engelbert Humperdinck.
Actually, I did have a flutter on the grannies – William Hill gave me 5 / 1 on the cute little one forgetting the words (again!).
So, here’s Lazy’s Top 10 predictions for Saturday night in Baku, in reverse order. We’ll do 10 down to 6 here then, in Part 2, we’ll do the top 5 – alright?
Number 10 – “La La Love” from Cyprus.
The lyrics “la la” and “love” always do well. Put them together and we could have a bit of a dark horse on our hands.
Number 9 – “Stay” from Norway.
Gave me a headache but I can see the girls going for the singer and the dancers aren’t as naff as the usual Eurovision eye candy.
Number 8 – “Waterline” from Ireland.
Jedward have learnt to sing since the last time I saw them. Song very Buck’s Fizz – nothing special but the boys have novelty appeal.
Number 7 – “Standing Still” from Germany
I like this song (co-written by Jamie Cullum). Roman Lob will appeal to the Justin Timberlake fans. Unfortunately for him, this is Eurovision and these days Germany doesn’t have many fans in Europe.
Number 6 – “Aphrodisiac” from Greece
Like Germany, Greece is not too popular so this song will face an uphill battle. But never underestimate a suggestive title and a singer with long legs and a short skirt.
So everybody in the music biz starts yawning when you mention the Eurovision Song Contest.
“Second rate songs”, “artists are has-beens”, “show too long” . . .
Well, Lazy thinks people who spout that crap are the w******s who embody everything that is wrong with the music biz.
We listen to music to be entertained, don’t we? And Eurovision is entertaining. Sure there are a load of bad songs there (have you listened to the charts lately?) but there is a lot of the weird and the wonderful as well.
Strange dancing, outlandish costumes, comedy routines . . . and if you want to learn the ins and outs of European politics just watch the voting. I feel really sorry for the Greek entry this year, Eleftheria Eleftheriou.
Her song, “Aphrodisiac” is not bad as Eurovision numbers go (and her short skirt will help) but I think she will suffer a backlash from angry Eurozone voters.
As washed-up singers, what about Abba? Eurovision made them.
And you might take the piss out of the UK’s decision to use grandfather Engelbert Humperdinck as our entry this year but the guy is still selling shedloads of records from his back catalogue. What’s the betting that, win or lose, he’ll see a big spike in royalty payments for this quarter?
And again, it’s not a bad little ditty. If the Eurovision audience are in a romantic mood this year it could do well. What with the Olympics 2012 feelgood factor and the fact that we haven’t done much to make people hate us lately (bad luck Germany and Greece!), external forces could also be in our favour.
Anyway, good luck, Englebert!
P.S. The Eurovision Song Contest is this Saturday in Baku, Azerbaijan